E-mail: Brian7Morris "at" hotmail.com Archives March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 current Blogs Mandapants farkleberries Uranium City Records The C.M. Sienko Foundation Storyteller Musings Solotarian Views Lynne Wiora Tek Poker News Blog Some Biscuits Evil Eye Emporium Niggling Doubts Pressure Release Sara as Mommy runswithscissors Defective Yeti Afternoon Delight trancejen The Terrarium Bird Nird Slipperily Tofu Hut Stereo Gum Links Fixed Gear Gallery Get Crafty This is Grand Featherproof Books Gapers Block Chicago Bird Watching	No one must know my terrible secret... House of Noh! Wednesday, May 19, 2004 It always takes my coworker friend Joe A. a long time at the cash machine in the lobby of the building that we work in. The reason is because Joe A. always forgets his pin number at a critical point in the transaction. Now that I think about it, it’s really sort of a ritual that we have. Whenever we go out to get lunch together, Joe hits the cash machine in the lobby and I wait for him to the side and at a courteous distance, checking out all the bicycle messengers looking for really old and out-of-shape ones that I can use in my mind to strengthen my belief that I haven’t become too old or too much of a desk nerd to become a successful bicycle messenger (I saw a really old one yesterday, totally sweet!), when Joe A., after inserting his card and pushing a few buttons, looks up from the ATM at me with shock and surprise on his face and exclaims, “I just forgot my pin number! I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! It’s gone! It totally slipped out of my mind.” Then Joe A. decides that he has enough money anyway and we leave the building and go to Subway or something. Of course, without fail I take the incident with the ATM as justification, during the entire walk to Subway, to tell and cajole Joe A. that he should write down his pin number on a piece of paper in his wallet. But not just one pin number, I think that he should write down a lot of pin numbers. That way, just in case his wallet fell into the wrong hands, only he would know which pin number was correct! Although I never fail to then describe my own personal wallet pin number system, I don’t advocate its use to beginners (and I number Joe A. among them, at least until he FINALLY decides to write down a bunch of false pin numbers on a little card in his wallet). But if any of you, my readers, think you might be up to it, here’s a description of the advanced theft deterrence device that I invented inside my wallet: right below the clear plastic and above my drivers license I’ve got a little slip of paper that came with my bank card and its got my pin number right on it! See, a petty footpad who absconds with my wallet would know that he or she shouldn’t try to use my bankcard in an ATM and press a lot of random numbers trying to get my pin number right, because there’s always a chance that Go Go Inspector Gadget manacles would issue from the cash hole and grab hold of the rogue. Petty footpads and wallet thieves know this. But when my pin number is right there, no wallet stealing rogue could resist that! It’s like this desk night clerk at the hotel that my ex-girlfriend used to work at. He had been confronted about using the computer behind the reception desk to look at internet porn during the nights shift. And each time he swore that he would never, ever, use the computer behind the reception desk to look at porn again. I think he really meant it too, because when I was bored and hanging out there at the hotel sometimes my ex-girlfriend would let me track his progress in the computer’s records from site to site the previous night. The desk clerk’s shift began at 9:00pm, and I could see that he always started really strong toward keeping his promise, he really tried, going only to sites like sportscenter.com, motleyfools.com, and musclecarparts.com/Chevrolet, but then he would begin to waver around 10:30 or so, spending some time on sites like hotornot.com and hownuderu.com until at about 11:15 or so when he would cave and start hitting sites like monsterods.com and asianympo.com. Inevitably, around 1:00 in the morning he would visit maturefatties.com, for between five to seven minutes, which is that site that I believe contained the images that would finally sate him, judging by his progression to sites back to sportscenter.com and so forth afterwards. And so you see, the obvious pin number in my wallet is the brilliance of my system, because finding such an obvious pin number in my wallet is like that hotel clerk viewing monsterods.com right at 9:00pm! Although the wallet thief knows, intellectually, that he or she shouldn’t attempt to use an ATM, the wallet thief’s reaction to that obvious pin number would be the equivalent of that hotel desk clerk going right to maturefatties.com right at 9:05pm, and he or she would dash right over the nearest ATM machine. But SURPRISE you crooked wallet thief! That’s not my real pin number! That’s the old random pin number that the bank sent me and now that I’ve customized my number that’s night the right pin number anymore! What’s more, that’s not even my real bank card! I lost my bankcard somewhere, that bankcard is just an old card that I found in the creepy basement of my apartment! Sucker! Brian 12:53 AM Comments: Post a Comment

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House of Noh!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

It always takes my coworker friend Joe A. a long time at the cash machine in the lobby of the building that we work in. The reason is because Joe A. always forgets his pin number at a critical point in the transaction. Now that I think about it, it’s really sort of a ritual that we have. Whenever we go out to get lunch together, Joe hits the cash machine in the lobby and I wait for him to the side and at a courteous distance, checking out all the bicycle messengers looking for really old and out-of-shape ones that I can use in my mind to strengthen my belief that I haven’t become too old or too much of a desk nerd to become a successful bicycle messenger (I saw a really old one yesterday, totally sweet!), when Joe A., after inserting his card and pushing a few buttons, looks up from the ATM at me with shock and surprise on his face and exclaims, “I just forgot my pin number! I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! It’s gone! It totally slipped out of my mind.” Then Joe A. decides that he has enough money anyway and we leave the building and go to Subway or something. Of course, without fail I take the incident with the ATM as justification, during the entire walk to Subway, to tell and cajole Joe A. that he should write down his pin number on a piece of paper in his wallet. But not just one pin number, I think that he should write down a lot of pin numbers. That way, just in case his wallet fell into the wrong hands, only he would know which pin number was correct! Although I never fail to then describe my own personal wallet pin number system, I don’t advocate its use to beginners (and I number Joe A. among them, at least until he FINALLY decides to write down a bunch of false pin numbers on a little card in his wallet). But if any of you, my readers, think you might be up to it, here’s a description of the advanced theft deterrence device that I invented inside my wallet: right below the clear plastic and above my drivers license I’ve got a little slip of paper that came with my bank card and its got my pin number right on it! See, a petty footpad who absconds with my wallet would know that he or she shouldn’t try to use my bankcard in an ATM and press a lot of random numbers trying to get my pin number right, because there’s always a chance that Go Go Inspector Gadget manacles would issue from the cash hole and grab hold of the rogue. Petty footpads and wallet thieves know this. But when my pin number is right there, no wallet stealing rogue could resist that! It’s like this desk night clerk at the hotel that my ex-girlfriend used to work at. He had been confronted about using the computer behind the reception desk to look at internet porn during the nights shift. And each time he swore that he would never, ever, use the computer behind the reception desk to look at porn again. I think he really meant it too, because when I was bored and hanging out there at the hotel sometimes my ex-girlfriend would let me track his progress in the computer’s records from site to site the previous night. The desk clerk’s shift began at 9:00pm, and I could see that he always started really strong toward keeping his promise, he really tried, going only to sites like sportscenter.com, motleyfools.com, and musclecarparts.com/Chevrolet, but then he would begin to waver around 10:30 or so, spending some time on sites like hotornot.com and hownuderu.com until at about 11:15 or so when he would cave and start hitting sites like monsterods.com and asianympo.com. Inevitably, around 1:00 in the morning he would visit maturefatties.com, for between five to seven minutes, which is that site that I believe contained the images that would finally sate him, judging by his progression to sites back to sportscenter.com and so forth afterwards. And so you see, the obvious pin number in my wallet is the brilliance of my system, because finding such an obvious pin number in my wallet is like that hotel clerk viewing monsterods.com right at 9:00pm! Although the wallet thief knows, intellectually, that he or she shouldn’t attempt to use an ATM, the wallet thief’s reaction to that obvious pin number would be the equivalent of that hotel desk clerk going right to maturefatties.com right at 9:05pm, and he or she would dash right over the nearest ATM machine. But SURPRISE you crooked wallet thief! That’s not my real pin number! That’s the old random pin number that the bank sent me and now that I’ve customized my number that’s night the right pin number anymore! What’s more, that’s not even my real bank card! I lost my bankcard somewhere, that bankcard is just an old card that I found in the creepy basement of my apartment! Sucker!

Brian 12:53 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

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House of Noh!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004