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No one must know my terrible secret...

House of Noh!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Further evidence of my archetypically tragic character: (And keep in mind that this occurred after capsizing in the Chicago River with cell phone, wallet and binoculars in my pocket, getting that filthy water all up in my peehole, and being tumbled downstream like I was in a rock polisher.) Okay, I was standing under my old rusty shower head, all goose-pimpled from the dribbling cold water. That’s when I realized I was all out of soap. I did have a few scraps stuck in the drain, I realized. This was lucky. I squatted down and picked them out of the hairy drain-mess.

You know how the diamond necessary for operating the only laser strong enough to shoot up a meteor that is hurtling directly toward Earth somehow always gets busted? And you know how then Superman or whoever shows up and squeezes the diamond shards in his (or her) hands, creating such heat and pressure to re-form the diamond into one piece?

These soap fragments - I should be able to squeeze them together into a serviceable mass. But when I opened my fists I found not the reformed diamond soap bar that I had envisioned, but instead just more, smaller soap fragments that washed out of my hands. This time they washed down the drain.

Oh, and also: Assholes always trying to give me their business cards. Shit.