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No one must know my terrible secret...

House of Noh!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I used to be cool. But now I’m just some asshole walking down the street carrying a new-in-the-box, ten cup, Mr. Coffee machine. This one has a timer so I can set it and drink coffee that’s ready right when I wake up. It also has the drip flow interrupter, so I can pour a cup before it’s done brewing. Oh! And automatic two hour shut-off, biatch!! On the walk home with Mr. Coffee, this panhandler was like, “Hey man, how about you help out the homeless before you go completely bald!” Touche, Panhandler! Tou – che!! But you’re not homeless. I know because you’re wearing trousers with clean knees and you’ve got socks on. I’ve seen REAL homeless dudes before, and they don’t wear socks (or even have shoelaces usually but I let people slide on that one). And you’re not going to have clean knees if you have to crawl under a bridge overpass or into some bushes to find a place to sleep! That’s how I spot you fakers with homes.