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E-mail: Brian7Morris "at" hotmail.com

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Evil Eye Emporium
Niggling Doubts
Pressure Release
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trancejen
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House of Noh!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Instead of going into work today, I wrapped my cell phone in some plastic wrap and slid my kayak down the muddy bank behind Sharon P’s house and into the Chicago River. Because, come on bitches, it’s Sunday! The water was low, and I knocked against chunks of concrete resting on the pavers, which sucks. But on the plus side I didn’t fall out of the kayak and get the river water in my holes trying to paddle up the rapids under the bridge where North Park students usually stand and spectate my foibles. And I developed this technique where I choke down on the paddle and then go apeshit paddling rapid-fire little strokes, which kind of seems to help in the shallow riffles where I have trouble getting a good bite with my paddle. I also found some sweet, sweet river trash (no bikes, though): an aluminum briefcase, an old wood crate that looks like it used to hold German WWII stick grenades, a sweet vintage clock radio, and the kind of grocery cart that old ladies pull down sidewalks with, get this, NO WHEELS MISSING. And I cursed myself bitterly for not having built a paper mache garbage scow to tow behind the kayak (yet) for river garbage collection purposes. For a while a rat ran along the bank beside me. As I paddled, I watched him run, scurrying over trash, leaping with its naked filthy rat-tail corkscrewing in the air to keep its balance as he made fantastic agile leaps over broken beer bottles. For a while there on the river, with me paddling and him scurrying, we shared one soul. We were brothers. But because I was busy watching the rat and not where I was going, I ran into a partly submerged shopping cart covered by a gross old bathmat and nearly lost my paddle. While I was preoccupied the rat jumped and disappeared into a tangle of old brush and seaweed. I’ve written about Chicago’s rats before. And in fact, I’m the CEO of a small, start-up eco-tourism company call Rat Spotting, LLC. All I’m saying is that I know lots of fun-facts about the Norwegian Rat.

Brian 7:03 PM (2) comments

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House of Noh!

Sunday, November 20, 2005