House of Noh Journal

So yesterday I was riding my sweet new bike, pedalling all gleefully and carefree, when some hipsters who looked like they could be from commercials advertising Taco Bell's new Crunch Wrap Supreme started giving me shit. And, BTW, how I loathe you, crunch-wrap supreme red-headed, hipster spokesperson (defined term: Taco Bell Spokesperson). I spent a lot of time thinking about this today, and if Taco Bell Spokesperson was matched up in a pit-fight with Jared, I would have a really hard time deciding who I'd want all beat up and bruised and uttering the pathetic lamentations of those defeated in honorable pit-style gladiator combat in an oil-changing pit at an old abandoned Uncle Ed's Oilshop franchise. I'm not making up the Uncle Ed's oil-change pit thing - this is how executives at Pepsi Corporation and the one that owns Subway entertain themselves: by matching the fighting skills of their mascots. It's clearly a lowbrow sort of activity, especially when compared to the elegant, classic sports enjoyed by vice presidents. Nothing is so majestic and filled with natural beauty as walking a harvested corn-field in late February behind high-bred and impeccably trained English Pointers, when all of a sudden one dog goes to point and a covey of medical malpractice plaintiff's attorneys stand up out of the corn stubble and run off toward cover. And it probably was a great moment for the VP when he picked a lawyer out of the fleeing covey, followed it, and successfully blasted it in the face with his 28 gauge shotgun. Although what with the Ranch he was hunting at reporting the shooting to the press, and sending the lawyer to the hospital instead of sending the VP home with laywer fillets, all neatly butchered and wrapped up in labeled white butcher paper, I'd be surprised if he ever goes back to THAT ranch again.

So I was riding my sweet new bike, and these hipsters standing out in front of their hipster place watched me pedal by, and I heard one say, "what is that?" to which the other responded, "an abomination!" and I think they were talking about the bike.

Actually, I consider this high praise, but, for effect, I displayed great umbrage, stood up on my old tyme pedals, and sped past the hipsters on squishy balloon tires as if to say, "eat my rust flakes hipsters!!"

E-mail: Brian7Morris "at" hotmail.com Archives March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 current Blogs Mandapants farkleberries Uranium City Records The C.M. 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I bought the bike from that guy who runs the bicycle store in the storefront below the Chateau Hotel on Broadway a block or two south from Irving Park (little-known-but-hands-down the BEST BICYCLE SHOP IN CHICAGO). I don't know the name of his bicycle shop, or even if it has a name. The proprietor chains some bicycles outside to parking meters when he's open, with very tiny signs on them that say "for sale" and have arrows pointing toward his shop door. So yesterday I was riding my sweet new bike, pedalling all gleefully and carefree, when some hipsters who looked like they could be from commercials advertising Taco Bell's new Crunch Wrap Supreme started giving me shit. And, BTW, how I loathe you, crunch-wrap supreme red-headed, hipster spokesperson (defined term: Taco Bell Spokesperson). I spent a lot of time thinking about this today, and if Taco Bell Spokesperson was matched up in a pit-fight with Jared, I would have a really hard time deciding who I'd want all beat up and bruised and uttering the pathetic lamentations of those defeated in honorable pit-style gladiator combat in an oil-changing pit at an old abandoned Uncle Ed's Oilshop franchise. I'm not making up the Uncle Ed's oil-change pit thing - this is how executives at Pepsi Corporation and the one that owns Subway entertain themselves: by matching the fighting skills of their mascots. It's clearly a lowbrow sort of activity, especially when compared to the elegant, classic sports enjoyed by vice presidents. Nothing is so majestic and filled with natural beauty as walking a harvested corn-field in late February behind high-bred and impeccably trained English Pointers, when all of a sudden one dog goes to point and a covey of medical malpractice plaintiff's attorneys stand up out of the corn stubble and run off toward cover. And it probably was a great moment for the VP when he picked a lawyer out of the fleeing covey, followed it, and successfully blasted it in the face with his 28 gauge shotgun. Although what with the Ranch he was hunting at reporting the shooting to the press, and sending the lawyer to the hospital instead of sending the VP home with laywer fillets, all neatly butchered and wrapped up in labeled white butcher paper, I'd be surprised if he ever goes back to THAT ranch again. So I was riding my sweet new bike, and these hipsters standing out in front of their hipster place watched me pedal by, and I heard one say, "what is that?" to which the other responded, "an abomination!" and I think they were talking about the bike. Actually, I consider this high praise, but, for effect, I displayed great umbrage, stood up on my old tyme pedals, and sped past the hipsters on squishy balloon tires as if to say, "eat my rust flakes hipsters!!" Brian 1:24 PM Comments: Dude...the Hornet is an awesome bike. Don't let anyone tyell you different. Indeed, with thaty sweet Schwinn "cantilever" frame, it is probably a nice match for the equally awesom 1961 Schwinn American I have hanging in my basement. Rusty as hell, plucked from a wagon of rusty crap for sale in some guy's front yard for $10, but has the awesome, three stripe Bendix TWO-SPEED kickback hub. That's right, buddy...just give a soft backpedal and feel that baby click up into high gear. A # posted by Anonymous : 12:13 PM Oh! I am so jealous! I had, in my possession, an April-of-1953 Schwinn Meteor which is, apparently, just a rebadged Hornet. I scored this beauty from my mother-in-law's garage, it having previously belonged to her husband and he never took it after their divorce 20+ years prior. Well, unfortunately he saw my pretty one day and his eyes flashed feelings of nostalgia. Worst of all my wife was right there! When I tell you this was shortly before Father's Day I think you can guess what happened to it after I restored this creature to cruising condition. And I was planning to get all Alien-Ray on its ass, too! I now know that, while it was "all that" it did not come with a "bag of chips" -- it was a simple single-speed. I feel a little better... Peace! # posted by Nathan : 10:15 AM Post a Comment

Comments:

Dude...the Hornet is an awesome bike. Don't let anyone tyell you different. Indeed, with thaty sweet Schwinn "cantilever" frame, it is probably a nice match for the equally awesom 1961 Schwinn American I have hanging in my basement. Rusty as hell, plucked from a wagon of rusty crap for sale in some guy's front yard for $10, but has the awesome, three stripe Bendix TWO-SPEED kickback hub. That's right, buddy...just give a soft backpedal and feel that baby click up into high gear. A

# posted by Anonymous : 12:13 PM

Oh! I am so jealous! I had, in my possession, an April-of-1953 Schwinn Meteor which is, apparently, just a rebadged Hornet. I scored this beauty from my mother-in-law's garage, it having previously belonged to her husband and he never took it after their divorce 20+ years prior.

Well, unfortunately he saw my pretty one day and his eyes flashed feelings of nostalgia. Worst of all my wife was right there! When I tell you this was shortly before Father's Day I think you can guess what happened to it after I restored this creature to cruising condition.

And I was planning to get all Alien-Ray on its ass, too!

I now know that, while it was "all that" it did not come with a "bag of chips" -- it was a simple single-speed. I feel a little better...

Peace!

# posted by Nathan : 10:15 AM

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006