E-mail: Brian7Morris "at" hotmail.com Archives March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 current Blogs Mandapants farkleberries Uranium City Records The C.M. Sienko Foundation Storyteller Musings Solotarian Views Lynne Wiora Tek Poker News Blog Some Biscuits Evil Eye Emporium Niggling Doubts Pressure Release Sara as Mommy runswithscissors Defective Yeti Afternoon Delight trancejen The Terrarium Bird Nird Slipperily Tofu Hut Stereo Gum Links Fixed Gear Gallery Get Crafty This is Grand Featherproof Books Gapers Block Chicago Bird Watching Thieves Jargon	No one must know my terrible secret... House of Noh! Saturday, June 24, 2006 I've told you that I don't like public pens, right? In the checkout line at certain grocery stores where they make you sign the screen with their electronic stylus I have to suck it up and pull my sleeve down over my hand to grip the pen. I call that move my public pen protector. Or I wrap some paper towel I carry in my back pocket around my hand before gripping the stylus (similar to the practice of putting a strip of toilet paper down on public toilet seats). But when I'm at a store that uses a paper credit card receipt system I always use my own private pen that I carry with me instead of the public pen that's usually kept at the checkout. This is not a problem if I can pull my own private pen out faster than the cashier can offer me the public pen. Because if I don't already have my private pen in my hand, and the cashier is offering the public pen right there in my face, the cashier inevitably has hurt feelings when I turn down the public pen to take out my own, EVEN IF I explain, "it's not you, I just have this thing about public pens." It happens infrequently but sometimes a cashier's hurt feelings will turn into rage. If there's somebody there for the cashier to roll his or her eyes at, the cashier almost always does that. Sometimes though I look up at the cashier just before I sign the receipt with my private pen and I can tell that the cashier is trying to think up a way to FORCE me to use the public pen. To date, no cashier has ever been able to force me to use the public pen. What could they say? A pen's a pen, right? I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. The only thing I think a cashier could say to make me use the public pen would be to accuse my private pen of having dissapearing ink in it. This, I think, would be a legitamate reason for a store to compel me to sign my name on my credit card receipt with the store's public pen rather than the private pen I carry. If a cashier ever says that to me then I know I'll be beat. I'll just hang my head, put some paper towel in my hand, and take the public pen offered to me. You know those metal turnstiles / slurry makers that you have to go through to get off / out of the platform on some El stations? I saw a woman go through one the other day with her hand raised way up so that she was pushing the bars ahead of her and only making contact with the very top bar. I thought that was a good idea, because what if somebody went through one of those things with barf all over them? Those bars would have barf on them and get barf all over you when you pushed through. I think the top bar has the best chance of being the most barf free. And I don't want to give anybody any ideas here... but seriously, I see people spit in revolving doors all the time. Revolving doors are really very similar to the turnstiles. And it's not just normal spit either, it's the spit of bitter, drunk, socially disenfranchised and that's seriously going to never come out of your dry clean only sweater. Brian 2:16 PM Comments: Post a Comment

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House of Noh!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I've told you that I don't like public pens, right? In the checkout line at certain grocery stores where they make you sign the screen with their electronic stylus I have to suck it up and pull my sleeve down over my hand to grip the pen. I call that move my public pen protector. Or I wrap some paper towel I carry in my back pocket around my hand before gripping the stylus (similar to the practice of putting a strip of toilet paper down on public toilet seats)*. But when I'm at a store that uses a paper credit card receipt system I always use my own private pen that I carry with me instead of the public pen that's usually kept at the checkout. This is not a problem if I can pull my own private pen out faster than the cashier can offer me the public pen. Because if I don't already have my private pen in my hand, and the cashier is offering the public pen right there in my face, the cashier inevitably has hurt feelings when I turn down the public pen to take out my own, EVEN IF I explain, "it's not you, I just have this thing about public pens." It happens infrequently but sometimes a cashier's hurt feelings will turn into rage. If there's somebody there for the cashier to roll his or her eyes at, the cashier almost always does that. Sometimes though I look up at the cashier just before I sign the receipt with my private pen and I can tell that the cashier is trying to think up a way to FORCE me to use the public pen.

To date, no cashier has ever been able to force me to use the public pen. What could they say? A pen's a pen, right? I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. The only thing I think a cashier could say to make me use the public pen would be to accuse my private pen of having dissapearing ink in it. This, I think, would be a legitamate reason for a store to compel me to sign my name on my credit card receipt with the store's public pen rather than the private pen I carry. If a cashier ever says that to me then I know I'll be beat. I'll just hang my head, put some paper towel in my hand, and take the public pen offered to me.

* You know those metal turnstiles / slurry makers that you have to go through to get off / out of the platform on some El stations? I saw a woman go through one the other day with her hand raised way up so that she was pushing the bars ahead of her and only making contact with the very top bar. I thought that was a good idea, because what if somebody went through one of those things with barf all over them? Those bars would have barf on them and get barf all over you when you pushed through. I think the top bar has the best chance of being the most barf free. And I don't want to give anybody any ideas here... but seriously, I see people spit in revolving doors all the time. Revolving doors are really very similar to the turnstiles. And it's not just normal spit either, it's the spit of bitter, drunk, socially disenfranchised and that's seriously going to never come out of your dry clean only sweater.

Brian 2:16 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

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House of Noh!

Saturday, June 24, 2006